This website was created to provide effective advice and support to people of all genders and orientations who have little or no experience with dating, sex or relationships. Learn about our history and principles below.
This website provides advice and information, which may or may not come from a trained mental-health professional – see our disclaimer. We have policies for moderation, privacy and cookies, and a guide to commenting and using pseudonyms on this site. You are welcome to contribute or contact us.
This site was created in 2019 by Alana, as an outgrowth of the Love Not Anger project, after conducting an in-depth survey about dating difficulties. In 1997, Alana created the first peer-support website & mailing list for this issue, called Involuntary Celibacy. That started as a friendly and egalitarian forum, but was handed off to other people. The movement eventually evolved into the “incel” communities that are often misogynist and sometimes advocate violence. It is time to develop healthier supports for inexperienced people, following these principles:
- People of all genders and orientations may be inexperienced with dating, sex and relationships.
- Inexperienced people deserve respect, empathy, support and love.
- People of all genders and orientations are equal. Women and men are not expected to play specific roles in dating, sex or relationships.
- Most inexperienced people could find dates, sex or a relationship, if they want to, and if they make some life changes.
- People are free to enjoy romantic relationships or remain single, and free to enjoy consensual sex or forgo it.
- Each inexperienced person has a unique combination of reasons for their dating difficulties. There is no one simple solution.
- Neurotypical, autistic and other neurodiverse people all have valid ways of thinking, feeling and behaving. They may need support to communicate well with each other.
- To develop knowledge about overcoming dating difficulties, we need to involve inexperienced people, late-bloomers & other experienced people, experts who have studied evidence-based practices, and therapists who have successfully counselled people.
- Information provided should be factual, realistic, and hopeful.
Policies and decisions
Our Commenting Guide gives moderation rules, commenting guidelines, and information about using a pseudonym on this website.
Our meta blog posts are about this website’s services, terminology, etc.
We do our best to give credit (via link, caption or author bio) to the creators of content we share. Unless otherwise credited, text and images on this website are copyright Metimea Inc. (a corporation owned by Alana.)
On this website, blog posts express the views of the author, or of the person being quoted. Pages without a named author are written by Alana. Views expressed by Alana or other authors are their own, not representing any organization.
Some pages and posts on this website offer advice about life, dating and relationships. This advice is generic to most people, and may not be appropriate for your personal situation. Alana and other authors on this website are not liable or responsible for the results of following their advice in any given situation.
Check the authorship of a blog post to determine whether it was written by a trained mental-health professional, a reader without such training, or Alana. Alana is not a trained mental-health professional, so her advice and information is based on research and life experience.