Try, try, again. But what if your first failure has you convinced that you can never succeed? My first attempt at realistic drawing was disappointing, so for 20 years I assumed I had no artistic talent. Then I ended up taking lots of art classes, succeeding in unexpected ways, and learning lessons that also apply to dating.
"Get a better haircut" is basic advice for people wanting more dates. For some it's a platitude that doesn't help. For others, a haircut is easier said than done. Why invest in yourself if nobody is interested in you? In my 20s, I switched from cutting my own hair to going to a stylist, and at first it felt scary & invasive. Now I look forward to my salon visit, and good hair makes me feel attractive and proud to be myself.
Support groups, online and in-person, may be a good place to talk. There aren't many good ones specific to dating inexperience, but you might find support in allied groups about shyness, anxiety, depression, autism or other issues. Please share your experiences!
A software geek worked really hard at online dating. It finally worked out when he expressed his frustrations in a genuine and intelligent way. Finding love can be really difficult and take a really long time, but it can also still be absolutely worth it.
If you have been single for a long time, and you want to start dating, something needs to change. You can take direct and indirect steps to make yourself more available, desirable and confident. Start with small, low-risk changes so you don't get overwhelmed outside of your comfort zone.
A 50-year old straight woman has never dated and has difficulty making friends. She keeps fighting the depression and wants to get help from therapy.
A collection of links to dating advice that respects women and men as equals, including some fun advice columnists.
An older reader's early social experiences discouraged him from dating, but he would like more friendly activities.
A late bloomer was abused and bullied in childhood, but gained skills, independence, and confidence, which helped him start relationships.
Straight women tend to seek men who are kind and safe. So why do a few women fall in love with dangerous criminals in prison?
A shy reader's story of going on many dates, finding another shy person and slowly building a relationship.
You can use a dating site effectively by quickly selecting the interesting profiles and sending them unique, kind and confident messages. Or you can be like me: anxious, insecure and worried about rejections by strangers!
If the tech sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Sorry, cryptography will not prevent rejection when you're crushing on a friend.
Does the counsellor understand dating difficulties and your other issues? Do they offer the kind of therapy you need? Are they optimistic, realistic, honest and kind?
Moving out, up or away might bring independence and tolerance, but it's not guaranteed to help you find dates. Therapy is cheaper than moving.
This website doesn't offer an online forum. We don't have the resources to moderate it, and we don't want to repeat the history of the incel forums encouraging hate & violence.
My first therapist helped me feel less ashamed of eczema, and more able to make friends and relate to people.
Being a late bloomer is just one example of living life on a different schedule than society expects. I'm also a late sleeper!
Party conversations should be interesting and brief. There are many graceful ways to exit a party conversation that make people feel good.