Social anxiety and what to do about it: CBT can help

Some people avoid connecting with others, because social situations trigger anxiety and fear. This is based on shame and may be worsened by stigma. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can identify and treat your specific fears.

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Social anxiety and what to do about it: CBT can help
A "social sofa" in Amsterdam

If at first you don’t succeed…

Try, try, again. But what if your first failure has you convinced that you can never succeed? My first attempt at realistic drawing was disappointing, so for 20 years I assumed I had no artistic talent. Then I ended up taking lots of art classes, succeeding in unexpected ways, and learning lessons that also apply to dating.

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Get a haircut, eh?

"Get a better haircut" is basic advice for people wanting more dates. For some it's a platitude that doesn't help. For others, a haircut is easier said than done. Why invest in yourself if nobody is interested in you? In my 20s, I switched from cutting my own hair to going to a stylist, and at first it felt scary & invasive. Now I look forward to my salon visit, and good hair makes me feel attractive and proud to be myself.

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Are you ready for change?

If you have been single for a long time, and you want to start dating, something needs to change. You can take direct and indirect steps to make yourself more available, desirable and confident. Start with small, low-risk changes so you don't get overwhelmed outside of your comfort zone.

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Are you ready for change?
It's physically safe to walk across the Capilano Suspension Bridge in Vancouver. You might not feel so safe, swaying over the canyon. Making changes and trying new things can feel scary even if it's rationally not going to hurt you.

Using dating sites confidently and decisively

You can use a dating site effectively by quickly selecting the interesting profiles and sending them unique, kind and confident messages. Or you can be like me: anxious, insecure and worried about rejections by strangers!

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There is no magic tech to avoid rejection

If the tech sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Sorry, cryptography will not prevent rejection when you're crushing on a friend.

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Exiting a conversation gracefully

Party conversations should be interesting and brief. There are many graceful ways to exit a party conversation that make people feel good.

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Do you actually want a relationship?

Some people would actually prefer to remain single. Don't let society pressure you into a relationship you don't want.

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