Here is a tough story from a straight woman who struggles with dating, friendship and mental health. She is still pushing forward, and has asked her therapist to look at this site and our list of reasons for dating difficulties. What else do you think she might do to help herself?Alana
I feel inadequate, ashamed and lonely. I just turned 50 (female) and have never been in a relationship. I feel my window of opportunity has long passed me by.
I have tried everything but online dating and (sexual) surrogacy. I think surrogacy is more difficult to find for women because there aren’t many men who are certified and it’s expensive. I don’t know if I would feel more or less ashamed if I went through with it.
I have never tried online dating. I don’t feel you can get a sense of someone online. I have met ‘friends’ through the internet. We get along fine online but in person it’s a mess. It’s hard enough to pursue platonic friends online. If I can’t achieve that, then my nerves about an actual date are off the chart. I will actually become physically ill when I think about online dating. I’m not strong enough for it. Dating sites also ask about sex and how important it is to you. I’ve never kissed anyone so I don’t know.
I stopped telling my friends when I was 32 because they would abandon me. I don’t really have friends because I can’t relate to anyone.
I first asked someone out when I was 17. No go (obviously). I was bullied as a kid and I cannot tolerate being teased.
I’ve been going to therapy on and off for 28 years. No one has ever treated anyone like me and it’s all the more isolating. Therapists aren’t trained in this. They can’t find anything specifically wrong with me so I don’t know what to address. I cannot take antidepressants. They make me worse. I’m depressed and have anxiety with good reason.
It does make me suicidal and I know that is unattractive but I don’t go around telling people. Weddings send me into a suicidal spiral. Now I have a nephew who is getting married at 23 and the pain is so deep.
I hate myself. I understand you’re supposed to like yourself before anyone else will, but how much are we supposed to try, and how long should we seek help without success? I have no answers. I’m looking to this website to try to find resources to resolve this.